History in Your Hands
by Louvampyer
Summary: A Collins fic, about his past that I got from a one shot I did, but I needed to elaborate on it... Rating only high for language... Chapter 3 finally up
1. This wasn't supposed to happen

This was part of a shorter thing I wrote, but I felt the need to elaborate on it… So if you've read Collins chapter in Why They're Them, then you can skip this first chapter… And also, I realized that in that story, I had called his boy friend Danielle, but it's been changed to Daniel, since the first time, I didn't bother proof reading…

VAVAVAVA

Collins slid onto the hood of his nearly broken down car. Maybe it had a few miles left in it, but not many. He looked down to his hands, where a diploma now sat. Four years he had worked for this, and he was very disappointed to find that it was just a slip of paper. He wasn't expecting anything more, not really, but the paper was so limp and… paper like. He just couldn't find the real value in it. He was pulled out of thought when he felt two arms slip around him. He leaned his head back. "How was packing? All you dreamed it would be?"

His sarcasm was cut off as Daniel's lips caught his. "That was to shut you up, and yes packing was fine." He threw his bag into the back of Collins car. "But I don't think that this car is going to hold up long enough to get us home."

Collins slid off the hood and into the drivers' seat. "Well, feel free to buy me a new one. Till then, we make due."

Danielle got into the seat beside him and buckled his belt. "Maybe when everyone in the world is studying my philosophy theories and I'm rich, I will."

"Maybe when I'm a world renowned teacher, telling a bunch of lazy kids about you, I'll take you up on that."

With the radio and periodic talk, the boys made it half way to New York before the car broke down. Luckily, they were in the middle of a town when it happened, so they didn't have to pay to get it towed. After dropping it off at a shop for the night, and better part of the next day, they rented a hotel room to stay in until it was fixed.

VAVAVAVAVAVAV

Collins sat in a chair in the corner of the small room, sipping iced tea, and watching Daniel, who seemed to be shifting uneasily in his seat on the bed. Tea in hand, Collins walked to him and sat beside him, handing it to him. "What's wrong?"

His hand shook as he took a small sip of the tea. "Nothing. I don't feel very well."

"Looks it." He placed a hand on Daniel's forehead. "You feel fine."

"No, it's not a fever thing."

Collins looked at him, quizzically. "Is it an 'I need to tell you something' kind of thing?"

"Kind of…" He trailed off, looking at the ceiling.

He was trying to put two and two together, but it was pretty hard to read Daniel sometimes. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Daniel's face went pale. "I don't want to."

Collins voice got a bit louder, but not shouting. "Is that a no I'm not, or a yes, but I feel bad about it kind of thing?"

"It's not as simple as what I want. Things are so…" He was cut off by Collins lips (they had a way of doing that to each other) Daniel was so startled by this, that he crushed the now empty glass in his hand, cutting his hand open. The glass slid from his now mutilated hand and onto Collins, cutting him as well.

He stood up quickly. "Shit!" With his good hand he pushed Collins cut hand away. "Don't touch anything. I'll clean it up." He ran into the bathroom to nurse his hand.

Collins stood up, still in awe of what had just happened. He looked at the glass and blood on the table. What was the big deal? He could get it cleaned up, it was just glass, and he was already cut, so a bigger cut wasn't much of an issue. He grabbed the waste paper basket and began putting the shards into it.

He had the whole thing nearly cleaned up when Daniel walked out of the bathroom, his hand wrapped what looked like would be too tight. He looked at Collins and all the color drained from his face… _All_... the color. He pulled the basket from his hands harshly. "WHAT THE FUCK THOMAS! I TOLD YOU I WOULD CLEAN IT!"

Collins took a step back. He had never seen Daniel like this. "What's the big deal! It's just glass. I've cleaned it up before."

"It's not just fucking glass! It's blood too! My blood!"

"I'm not afraid of your blood."

Collins took another step back as silent tears began slipping down Daniel's face. "You should be." His next words were nearly a whisper. "Ohh God Thomas, what have I done to you?" He sunk to the floor, still letting the tears fall down his cheeks.

Collins moves to comfort him, placing a hand on his shoulder, only to be pushed away when Daniel jumped up. "God Tom, you don't get it! This was not supposed to happen! That was why I was breaking up with you! May as well screw that now. It's too late. What the fuck." He dropped to the bed and looked at his hands.

What the hell was this? "Are you breaking up with me over a cut?"

Daniel looked up, his cheeks stained with tears. "I didn't want to, but it's all so complicated."

"A cut?"

"No, not the cut. Thomas, God Tom. It wasn't supposed to happen like this." He walked over to Collins, putting a hand on his cheek, and kissing him softly. "I'm gonna go now."

Collins took a deep breath and watched Danielle walk to the door. "Wait. What is all this? Why are you just leaving for no reason? And what the fuck does this have to do with a cut?"

Without looking at Collins, Danielle slowly opened the door and stepped into the hall. He paused for a minute, and looked back, tears continuing to roll down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry Thomas…" Collins just looked at him, waiting for an explanation. "I have A.I.D.S."


	2. Can I tell you?

Collins picked his car up at the shop and just sat in it, pulled off to the side of the street. He set his head on the steering wheel and in a very un-Collins like way, he cried. It was over. His life and everything. His boyfriend and best friend was gone, and all he was left with to show for it was a disease that would slowly but surly kill him. He had gone to the hospital, but they said that there was nothing they could do for about a month, and to take care until then. Some friggan help they were. Not only would he slowly die of something he got that he did nothing to deserve, but he would have to wait a month before he knew. He wiped his tears away and looked at the road, and saw a dead squirrel lying there. He couldn't help but envy the quick death it had.

He started his car and drove off toward home. What in the world would he tell his parents? Well, maybe first he should tell them he was gay. That would be a start. Then tell them that he was staying in a hotel with the boyfriend that he's had for a year, and then tell them that he'd gotten AIDS from him. Well, he didn't get tested, but he had cut, and infected blood had gotten into it, so it's not like he had to really guess.

His mind drifted in and out as he drove the two hours home. Pulling into the drive way, he instantly saw a curtain pulling back and a smiling face look out. The car door and the house door opened at the same time, with a tall black man, a short black woman, and four kids, aged seven, ten, and fifteen, and seventeen, running out toward him. Collins grabbed the seven year old girl in his arm and swung her around, then hugged all the others, with 'how was the ride? How was school? And we've missed you' being passed around.

His mother swatted everyone away. "Now now, let Thomas be! He just got home, let him settle in first." She took his hand, but dropped it at the wince that came out of Collins mouth. "What is it dear?" She looked down at his hand with a gasp. "What happened to your hand!"

Collins grinned. "Ohh, I just broke a glass and cut it while I was cleaning it up." Alright, not total honesty, but not all together a lie.

"Do you need stitches? Want me to take a look at it?" His mom was a nurse.

"That's okay mom, I already got it taken care of." He kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks though."

She kissed him back and shooed the other into the house. "Alright then. Go get unpacked and come help me with dinner."

Collins put the seven year old down and grabbed his bags from the car, carrying them to his old room.

It was odd, how exactly the same it was. Not a photo out of place, or book out of order. He set his bags down on the bed and as slowly as he could, he unpacked. He looked around his room again, and slowly, repacked his things, just in case they threw him out after he told them he was gay. He had decided that he needed to do it tonight. If not, he would probably never find the courage to do it. He set his bag down by his bedroom door and walked back down stairs and into the kitchen, where his mom was cooking dinner.

"All unpacked dear?" She looked up from the carrots she was pealing and smiled at him.

Collins kissed her on the cheek and took the carrot peeler from her, offering to help. "Ya, I'm all set." He wanted to wait until everyone was together before telling anyone. That way he didn't have to say it ten times.

"How was the ceremony?" She wiped her hands on her apron. "I'm sorry we couldn't come out for it."

"No it's fine mom. It was normal. We got certificates, shook hands with the principal. That's pretty much it."

"Well I'm sure it was lovely. We're making your favorite dinner tonight! There's a ham in the oven, garlic potatoes, and cider carrots. And Tanya and I made apple dumplings for dessert. We have a lot to celebrate tonight!"

Great, this would make it all the easier to break her heart. "That's great mom. Thanks." They continued with mindless chit chat until dinner was ready.

Everyone sat at the table, eating, mostly asking how school had been, and Collins just nodded along, answering as vaguely as possible. All in all? He wanted to go up to his room and lock the door, crying away everything he felt, but he knew that this was something he just had to do.

His mom leaned over and put her hand over his. "Is everything all right Tom?"

He looked up at her, as if he had just realized that she was there. "Umm… Ya, I guess so." How far from the truth was that?

His father cocked his head to the side and looked at him. "What is it son?"

Collins looked up from his plate for about the first time since they all sat down to eat, looking around at the faces of his parents, and each of his sisters and his brother. They were all looking at him expectantly, if not with worry in their eyes. He bit his lip and set down his fork, taking a deep breath. "Well… I kind of have something to… tell you… all… kind of."

His mother nodded and continued looking at him, and his younger brother and sister, the fifteen and seventeen year olds exchanged an odd glance before looking back to Collins. "What's up bro?"

Ohh great, just what he needed, his siblings expecting something from him. "I… Umm… Well I…"

Elizabeth, the oldest of his younger sisters cut him off with a roll of her eyes. "Just say it Tom. You're stuttering voice is getting annoying." He shot her a glare before his brother Michael cut in. "Ya, it can't be that bad."

Ohh god if only they knew. He took another deep breath. "Fine… I'm gay." He scanned all their faces.

His mother and father looked at each other, his mother looking relieved, his father looking just a bit angry, but not nearly as much as he was expecting.

What shocked him most was Elizabeth and Michael looking at each other, him smiling, her pouting. Mike held his hand across the table in front of her. "You owe me five dollars!"

"No I don't! That wasn't the bet!" Elizabeth shook her head calmly.

"Yes it was! I said Tom didn't come home for the holidays because he was gay!"

"No you didn't! You said he didn't come home because he had a boyfriend he'd rather stay with!"

"What's the difference?"

His mom tried to cut them off. "Children, please…"

But Elizabeth cut her off, not willing to end it yet. "The difference is that he told us he was gay, he didn't tell us he had a boyfriend."

Collins head shot from one to the other at they fought. Was he that obvious? He really didn't think he ever was. "What? How did you…? What?"

Michael looked at him. "Collins, do you have a boyfriend? Is that why you didn't come home last Christmas?"

His father hit his hand on the table, not in a hard, angry way, just hard enough to get all the other to look at him. "Michael, Elizabeth. This is not the time. Why don't you clear the table?"

Daniels' shoulders sunk. "But we didn't get dessert yet. And it's not our fault! Tom brought it up!"

The youngest girl, at seven, Emily, whose head was just at the level of the table, looked at Collins, her eyes so innocent it almost broke his heart to think that she would have to join the real world in just a few years. "What's gay mean?"

He bit his lip, coming up with the best way to say it, but Tanya, the ten year old cut him off with a superior wave of her hand. "It –means- that he would rather kiss boys than girls, right Tom?" She nodded her head at him, as if they had shared it as a secret before this.

His eyes went wide for a moment, but then Emily spoke again, still looking at Collins. "Is that allowed? Does that mean I can kiss girls?" His mothers head dropped with a sigh.

Collins was about to tell her that when she was older, she could kiss anyone she wanted, but again, he was cut off as his father hit the table again, with enough force to shut everyone up. "Elizabeth, go get Emily ready for bed. Tanya, clear off the table, and Michael, start washing the dishes." When no one moved, he reinforced his words. "Now!"

All the kids jumped up and went on very quickly with their tasks. Collins, not having been given a task, just sat there, watching the others move until his eyes lowered to his plate, not willing to look at his father, but even that was taken away when his sister took away his plate.

After all the children had left the room, Collins looked back up to his parents face. His mom was smiling at him, but his dad looked a bit upset. "I umm… I still have my bag packed if you want me to… just leave."

His mothers face contorted with confusion for a moment. "Why would we want you to leave Tom?"

"I just… I didn't know how you two were going to take it." He looked to his father, wanting some kind of reaction.

But it was his mother who spoke again, with a slight laugh. "Darling, as long as your happy, I could care less who it was that made you that way." She looked to her husband. "Right Jon?"

He nodded his head slowly, and all the anger Collins had thought he had seen in his face vanished. "I'm not upset Collins. I just… I've been hearing a lot lately about all the negative things. Gay bashing and all that. I didn't want you children to be a part of it. And I've been hearing about this disease that's going around, and they call it gay cancer."

Collins entire face fell when his mother spoke. "Ohh, our boys smart. He'll be careful, won't you?" She had so much confidence in her voice.

Collins bit his lip, and he could taste the blood in his mouth. It was all he could do not to gag, the blood in his mouth combined with his mothers' confident face, and his fathers concerned one. He nodded slowly. "Ya mom." He didn't think he had ever lied to her before. He just wasn't ready to let her down this much. "I'll be careful."

"Good." His mother stood up and kissed him on the forehead on her way to the kitchen. "Then enough of this. We have apple dumplings to serve!"

Collins didn't follow his mother, but continued looking at his father. "So. You disappointed in me?"

His father laughed. The laugh that Collins remember from when he was a kid. "I don't think there is all that much you could do to disappoint me son. I just want you to be careful."

Okay. Well, he could be careful from here on out…


	3. In the City

AN: I've had this written out forever… I just didn't feel like typing it out… Sorry to anyone who is actually following this story… And just so people don't get confused, where I live, we call Hicksville anywhere were the hicks live… I know that it's a real place, but when I refer to Hicksville, I mean some random, nameless, county, farming, town… I don't mean the place in NYC… Just had to clear that up first…

AVAVAVAVAVAVA

It had only been two hours. Two hours since Collins had gotten to New York City for the first time in his life. You couldn't really tell by looking at him that he was a country boy, born and raised in upstate New York. He had always felt so closed off there, in the same area where most people felt so open, with the air and the fields and all that crap. Collins couldn't stand it, and got away as soon as possible.

College had ended about three weeks ago, and Collis had left his family after all that 'we love you' stuff got tiring. He didn't have the courage to tell them about the AIDS thing while he was there. Maybe the next time he talked to them.

But back to New York. It hadn't taken him long to look up his old friends number to ask for a place to stay in the city. The friend had know it was coming, that much was obvious from the way the conversation had gone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me!"

"Hey! You ready to get your ass out of Hicksville and join me?"

"…Hell ya."

He was given the address, told a time to come by when people would be home, and it had only take him three days to get together all the things he would need and get there. He looked from the sign on the street corner, to the address written sloppily on his hand, to the tall building in front of him. He hoisted his duffle bag onto his shoulder and shifted his box of belongings to his left arm before making his way into the building and up the six flight of stairs and knocking on the large metal door.

He couldn't help but laugh at the noises he heard coming from the other side of the door after he knocked.

Shrill voice. "Someone's at the door!"

Deep annoyed voice. "Ya, we got that from the whole 'hand pounding on metal' sound."

Shrill voice. "Is someone gonna get it?"

Impatient voice. "Not I."

Deep voice, and guitar strings. "Make Mark get it."

Impatient voice. "Mark! Someone's at the door!"

Muffled voice. "Ims bssy!"

Sing song voice. "He says he's busy!"

Deep voice. "Whatever. I'll get it."

A bleached blonde with a guitar in his hands opened the door. He took one look at the box in Collins hands and shook his head. "Sorry dude, we're not really interested in buying anything at the moment."

He was about to shut the door in Collins face when a blonde girl with red roots coming through came to the door and looked over his shoulder at Collins, holding the door open. "What are you selling?"

The guy rolled his eyes. "It's not like we could buy it anyway."

But the girl just shrugged. "Free samples?"

Collins looked at the two in front of him and shifted uncomfortably. "Not selling sorry." The blonde sighed and skipped off, not wanting to hear an explanation, but the guy remained at the door. "I'm actually looking for Maureen… She here?"

Without breaking eye contact, the guy yelled over his shoulder, loud enough to make Collins shudder, but no one in the apartment seemed to find it odd. "MAUREEN!" With that, he turned back into the apartment, leaving the door open. "You can come in." He sat crossed legged on a ratty couch and began plucking at his guitar again.

Collins walked in and took a moment to take in the scene. Aside from the man playing the guitar, the blonde was sitting in the middle of the floor, painting her nails red and black, and there was another man sitting at a table with his back to Collins, working in what looked to be school books.

Collins set his box and duffle bag down at his feet just as an obviously 'put out' looking brunette stepped out of one of the three bedrooms in the apartment. Collins was only guessing that it was a bedroom by the disheveled state of the girls dress, which consisted of jeans with paint splatters all over them, and a black bra.

Her hands were resting on her hips as she glared at the blonde who had called her name. "Roger, do you not have the decency to let Mark and I have sex in peace?"

But he didn't even look up from his guitar. "You have company."

She dropped her arms to her sides with a huff and looked to the door, ready to yell at who ever had interrupted her.

Collins just smiled. "Hey baby!"

Instead of yelling, the girl screamed and jumped up and down, eventually running to Collins and throwing her arms around his neck. "Collins? Ohh my God! You're here!" She removed one arm from his neck and swung it in a half circle around them. "Welcome to the Loft!" She looked back to him with a beaming smile. "You're staying right?"

He shrugged. "No place else to go."

She yelled again. "Yay! It'll be just like middle school again!"

Collins groaned. "Ohh god I hope not. I've had my ass kicked enough for one life time."

"Well, that was just an excuse for the high school hot shots to touch your ass." Maureen took that opportunity to slap his ass, for dramatic effect. "Can you blame them?"

Someone on the other side of the room cleared their throat and Collins looked up to see a guy with blonde hair and geeky glasses, staring at Maureen with a mix of 'who the hell is this guy whose ass you're touching' and 'I don't want to interrupt' on his face.

Maureen threw her arms around Collins again, having to stand on tip toe to do it. "Guys, this is Collins! He's gonna be staying with us!"

The guy who was working on his homework finally looked up, his face totally blank. "Do you snore?"

Collins shook his head. "Not that I know of."

He went back to his work. "Then we'll be good."

"That's Benny. The spare bed is in his room."

The girl who was painting her nails jumped up. She looked her nails over once more, no doubt making sure they were dry, before holding out her hand to Collins. "I'm April."

Collins took her hand with a smile. "Nice to meet you."

The girl cocked her head to the side and looked Collins up and down, which prompted the guy playing his guitar to jump off the couch and wrap his arm protectively around the girls waist, pulling her back just a bit. He was smiling, but with a challenging glare. "So Collins… You got a girlfriend of your own?"

Collins opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off as Maureen started laughing. He glared at her, playfully, but still, before shaking his head. "No."

Maureen stopped laughing and leaned against Collins. "Roger, Collins is hot as hell. Don't you think if he were straight, I'd be the one fucking him?"

Collins hit her on the arm and rolled his eyes. "Nice Maureen." She had been one of the only people in school who he had told he was gay. And that was only because she had told him first that she was bi. "But who says I'd be interested?"

Maureen rubbed her arm as he spoke, but her arms dropped to her side as he finshed. "Excuse me?" She stared at him in disbelief.

Collins shrugged. "I just don't think you'd be my type."

"Besides having a vagina, what's wrong with me?" She didn't look or sound hurt, more like she was daring him to list even one flaw.

"Well, after the eighth grade Halloween Party, it'd just be hard to look at you in a girl-friendly way is all." Collins smirked as Maureen's jaw dropped.

Roger looked from one to he other. "Why? What happened?"

Collins opened his mouth to respond, but Maureen quickly clasped her hand over it. Her voice dropped and sounded deadly. "If you breath a single syllable of that story, you will be homeless in a strange city."

Benny, who was now up from his work and had an amused smile, looked at Collins. "If you tell us the story, I'll give you the whole room."

Maureen shot him a nasty glare. "Fuck off Benny."

He just smiled and closed his books. "You know, I think I will." He piled his books in his hands and walked into another of the bedrooms, coming out a moment later without them. "Be back later kids."

Maureen mumbled as he walked out the door. "Don't hurry." But it went unnoticed by everyone but Collins.

"What's up with him?"

"He thinks he's fuckin superior because he's graduating college early and he has a rich girlfriend."

Roger raised his voice in a mocking tone. "Muffy!"

Collins smirked. "Her name is Muffy?"

The blonde who had been standing by the door finally spoke up. "It's Alison really, Maureen and Roger just like to call her Muffy to tease Benny." He sat on the counter, and the way his legs dangled it made him look like a little kid. "He's taking summer courses all summer and he'll be done with college a year early come fall. He's got plans to open up a studio and everything. His girlfriends like his business partner or something."

"God Mark." Maureen rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You make it sound like you're okay with what he's doing."

He shrugged and all his attention went to a camera he picked up off the counter. "He didn't do anything wrong yet. I'm just giving his intentions the benefit of the doubt is all."

April sat down beside Mark, and looked to Roger. "Can we go somewhere? I'm bored."

Roger set his guitar down and took Aprils hand. "Where do you wanna go?"

Her face lit up. "Candy store!" Mark looked at the girl and his face fell, but April and Roger didn't look away from each other. "I've been craving a candy bar all day!" She hopped off the counter and began pulling Roger to the door.

"Ya. I could definitely go for a candy bar." Roger followed after her.

Mark slid off the counter. "You know what? So could I! I'm gonna go with you two. You don't mind right?" Roger and Aprils faces fell, but Mark just smiled and continued to the door. "I mean after all, it's just the candy store." He smiled at Roger. "It's not like you're doing anything secret that I should know about and there fore can't come with you, right?"

April was now pouting, but Roger bit his lip and smiled back at Mark. "Not at all." He tousled Mark's hair in a 'big brother' kind of way. "Got Mark, you must really be craving chocolate." Roger and April walked out the door, and Mark walked out behind them, just after giving Maureen a small kiss.

Collins gave Maureen and odd look. "What was that about?"

Maureen rolled her eyes. "Mark seems to think that 'candy bar' is Roger and April's code word for heroin or something like that." She smiled and grabbed Collins hand. "But come on! I'll show you to some of my favorite areas in the city!"

"Alright, I'm coming." He allowed himself to be dragged out of the apartment and back down the street where he had just come from. This stay in the city was going to prove to be very interesting.


End file.
